Sakura Kiss
by Batsukaman
Summary: The host club boys come so close. They flirt, they promise, but they're only teasing. Never do they actually kiss the longing lips of their princesses. Tonight will change that. The hostess club wants revenge... in the form of one genuine kiss per host!


**Attention!** I'm pretty sure that this story has been reported for plagiarism, on the grounds that it was a rip-off of a roleplay by the same name on Gaia Online. _This is not true_. If you look at the roleplay, you'll see that one of the co-creators has changed their username to Sakusha-sama. That would be me. The roleplay was based off of my first musings of this fanfic, I intentionally changed the majority of the original characters so as not to plagiarize because I didn't make them up myself.

A/N-Sorry, sorry, I'm abusing my bleach fic yet again. This has been going on for quite some time, hasn't it? Anyway, this will be a oneshot I've been sitting on for way too long. An epicly long oneshot, but a good one. A really good one. ...actually, the amount of fanservice packed in here is incredible. I may make some comments in here, they will be in ((double parenthesis)). And for the piano piece (you'll see) I was picturing the background music from _Starting to Turn_ by Andrew Paul Woodworth, but you can imagine whatever you want.

Disclaimer: if I owned Ouran, this wouldn't be a fanfiction, would it?

X

_Tamaki-sempai was only ever rejected by a princess once._

It was back near the beginning of the club's founding. For a few days straight she sat silently in the back of his group of fangirls, the blond bangs of her perfectly curled hair covering her eyes. Then, on the last day, after everyone else had left, as Tamaki was packing up his things, she quietly entered.

"What's this?" He had asked playfully, "One of my dear admirers has put in the effort to come see me alone? Ah, I am undeserving of your sweet affection, my princess," he said, taking her hand and stooping as though to kiss it. But just before he did, he looked up. "Ah, I see, It's my little fairytale princess!" he exclaimed, and pulled her into an embrace as he suavely went on, "Perhaps you've come for the loving attention you need to break your curse of scilence?" He tightened his embrace and took her by the chin as he continued, addressing the blush that had spread across her cheeks, "There's no need to be afraid, my princess. Secretly, in these past few days, you've been one of my favorites." Her blush deepened, her brow puckered, and she reached up and placed her hands on his shoulders...

...And threw him to the floor. "Then call me by my name, why don't you!" She cried, angry tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and stormed off leaving a stunned Tamaki on his knees to watch her go.

_But that was a while ago now, huh?_

...

"Thank you party?" Tamaki asked incredulously, staring at the extravagant font on the paper that had just been handed to him by the twins.

"That's what it says, M'lord," they said, shrugging at each-other, one rising from behind each of the host king's shoulders. Both placing their inner hand on the shoulder they stood behind and taking an edge of the paper with their outer hand, they began to read:

"'We, the Princesses, would like to thank you, the Host Club, for your unwavering attention and service to us.'" Hikaru began. "'Therefore, we cordially invite you to the Princess's Host Club Tribute Ball, an event designed specifically to honor the efforts of the Host Club!'"

"'The event is already fully planned, catered, and paid for,-'" Kaoru continued as a blue spark seemed to spike past Kyouya's glasses, "'-and it would mean a great deal to us if you would attend. The party is tomorrow night from 7 o'clock to midnight in the second floor ballroom. We look forward to seeing you!'" Kaoru finished.

"I wonder what kind of food they'll have," Hunny said dreamily, pink flowers floating around his head.

"They know your taste," Mori said in response, as though it explained everything. Which, it sort of did.

"Well, there's no sense in not going," Kyouya said, taking the paper from Tamaki and looking at it. "If they've already set up the event then we might as well show up."  
"Well, I'm not going, I have some studying to catch up on," Haruhi said, stretching and getting out of her chair.

"W-w-what? Why-why not?" Tamaki cried, suddenly in a desperate mood.

"Like I said, I have some studying to catch up on! And it's not like we'll make any money off of this, so it won't be that much of a problem if I don't go..."

"On the contrary," Kyouya began, whipping out his calculator, "given that we won't have to pay for this event at all, there will be no expenses, so all money made will be profit. And since the event is run by the princesses, it's guaranteed to be a large gathering of customers and a great merchandising opportunity. Sorry, but-" his glasses sparkled menacingly "-it'd really be best if you came."

There was a dinging noise, and Haruhi's jacket slid slightly off her shoulder. "well, I guess that settles it then..." she said, looking off to the side with a vaguely annoyed and utterly defeated expression.

"B-besides!" Tamaki said passionately, sliding in behind Kyouya and racing up to her, grabbing her by the shoulders, "You've come to be expected at these sorts of things!"

"Ah, our little girl is growing up," the twins said from off to the side with falsely tearful expressions.

"That's my line!" Tamaki thundered, and began to chase them around the room.

"I already said I'd go!" Haruhi said loudly over the ruckus, straightening up.

"So it's decided then, we'll all be attending," Kyouya said, shutting the black booklet that he had been scribbling in. The twins stopped running for just long enough to salute him, before ducking to avoid being bowled over by the host king.

_the next night_

"_**And now, we are pleased to present the host club!" **_A male announcer boomed across the ballroom as the hosts walked in, spotlighted, to thunderous applause.

"Ah, and a sincere thank you from us to all of our lovely princesses for throwing this extraordinary ball for us!" Tamaki said, touching one hand to his chest and producing a rose from thin air with his other hand, extending it out to the crowd. The hosts dispersed into the crowd as Tamaki's fangirls rushed forward to compete for the rose.

_15 minutes later_

"Haruhi-kun, are you enjoying yourself?" A girl asked shyly, stepping up to Haruhi. A flashing arrow pointed to a drink in a tall girl's hand.

"Well, I only just got here. Still, this is really amazing. I didn't know anyone but the host club actually bothered to go to this much effort. Did you help put this together?"

"Actually, no one really knows who planned it. We all got invited by chain email."

"Huh. Well, whoever it is, they must really love the host club. It's a little odd, but that kind of love is flattering nonetheless, don't you think?"  
_You're the one we love, Haruhi!_ Dozens of fangirls thought together with a collective "_Kyaaa~!_"

"Ah, hey, stop pushing!" A tall girl with long brown hair said, unheard by the preoccupied girls. "Excuse me- ah- oh!" The jostling crowd had spit her out so that she practically fell on top of Haruhi, spilling her soda on the host. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry about that... now you're all wet... and your jacket is stained..."  
"Ah, don't worry about it. I'm sure Kyouya can get me another one... although he'll probably charge me for it."

"Ah, that's no good... hmm... ah, I know, I can lend you one of my brother's! He's about the same size as you, and he never wears his formal clothes, so it'd be fine."  
"You don't have to, it's really ok-"  
"No, no, I feel really bad. Besides, it'll save you the cost of another jacket, right?"

"...well, that's true..."  
"Come on, he keeps his stuff upstairs."

"Ah... well... ok. I'll be back in a minute," Haruhi said over her shoulder, addressing her fangirls, who all looked unusually jealous.

_Mystery girl... you're so lucky!_ They thought as one.

_10 minutes later_

"Thanks, this really is a big help," Haruhi said, taking the jacket from the girl.

"No problem," she replied, digging in her brother's closet. "Actually, your shirt is kind of wet too, want one of those?"

"Oh, uh, sure." She took the shirt and draped it over her arm.

"So, what kind of event was that anyway?"

"Huh? You mean you didn't know?"

"Not really, some friends dragged me here. Actually... how did I end up with friends like that in the first place...?"

"Ha. I wonder that myself at events like this. Well, this is a benefit for the host club. Actually, the customers threw it for us, but we throw these kinds of events all the time."  
"Oh... the host club, huh? Isn't this supposed to be an academic school?"

Haruhi gave a short laugh. "Yeah, that's what I thought when I first met them. But, we've grown close."

"Well, I suppose that's good if it's fun, right?" There was a pause, in which the girl seemed to be internally punishing herself for some failure.

"...Um... would you mind stepping out for a minute?"  
"Ah, why?"

"Well, like, boys and girls shouldn't change in the same room, right?"

For a second the girl looked shocked, then seemed about to burst into laughter. Just as Haruhi was wondering if it was ok that they were turning that shade of red, they suddenly composed themself. "Right you are. I'll just be going then..." She began to leave, but as she was closing the door behind her, a lightbulb went off in her head. She stuck her head back into he room and said suspiciously, and a little too eagerly, "But it's just your shirt, right? You're a guy, so what's the big deal?"

Haruhi, who had been thoroughly unprepared for this, could do nothing but stammer. "U-um, well, you see, that's because... ah, it, um... I'm shy?" she finally choked out lamely.

The girl raced back into the room, slamming the door behind her, and ran directly up to Haruhi, studying her face. "...You're a girl!" She exclaimed. Haruhi began to protest, but before she got a chance to say anything the girl burst out laughing so hard that she fell on the floor. "Oh... oh thank god! There was no way I was gonna pull that off! This definitely counts as an unforeseen circumstance! Ah... although those girls will probably just say something like 'that just makes it even more perfect' but a deal's a deal, right?"

"...What the heck are you talking about?"

"I'm a guy!"

"What?!"

The girl kicked off her high-heeled shoes and ripped off her silky brown wig to reveal a much shorter mousy brown haircut underneath. "I'm actually a guy," he repeated. "And right you are, guys and girls shouldn't change in the same room, so if you'll excuse me," he placed his hands under her arms, picked her up, carried her out of the room, and shut the door.

"...What the heck was that?" Haruhi wondered aloud to herself, but as she did the door reopened to reveal the boy now in shorts and a T-shirt wiping the makeup off his face. "...that was fast..."

"Yeah, well, those girls have me trained to get in and out of that outfit in a few seconds."  
"Who's this 'those girls' that I keep hearing about?" She asked, wandering back into the room.

The boy finished cleaning his face and looked at her seriously. "If I tell you a secret, you have to promise not to tell anyone until after the party is over. If they find out I told you, they'll probably do something horrible to me..." he said, looking like he really didn't want to imagine what they might do but couldn't help himself. Haruhi nodded. "Alright: Secret number one:" he said, leaning close to her and covering one side of his mouth with his hand "My name is Makoto Hansuke. I was supposed to introduce myself to you as Makoto Hana."

"Uh, Fujioka Haruhi. Nice to meet you?"

"Oh, I know all about you. Well, I thought I did, anyway. Secret two: This is no thank you ball. It's a plot against the host club!"

"Huh?!"

"Soon after the host club's founding, a customer got angry at the host club. She saw how they flirted with girls, but it wasn't genuine affection, they were just playing with them. They would always get so close to kissing them, but never follow through with it. Even though the princesses truly loved them, they just toyed with their emotions and made money off of them. So she's spent years planning and finding the perfect match for each host, and tonight she's out to get her revenge—in the form of one honest-to-goodness kiss from each host!"

"Wait, so they're... what?"

"She found a perfect match for each of the hosts, and tonight they're all going to try and make their host fall in love with them and give them a kiss!" For a moment, she stared at him blankly. Then, it was her turn to burst out laughing. "Wha-what's so funny?" Hansuke asked.

"I-I'm sorry, but, there's just no way that's going to work. They don't have enough time to make them fall in love. Plus, no matter how perfect they are together, the host club will never actually develop feelings for their princesses. It just doesn't work like that."

"I beg to differ," Hansuke said darkly. "These girls really know what they're doing." He took her by the hand and led her down the hallway, into a booth that seemed to be the control booth for lighting. From there they could see the whole ballroom. He reached under one of the control panels, pulling out a binder that must've weighed at least 10 pounds. Opening the binder, he turned to a page marked with a flag that said 'Hunny.' Flipping to the very end of the section, which was filled with information about the miniature senior, he came to a page with a picture of a small girl on it. "Look here: This is Hunny-sempai's match."

Haruhi leaned in to look at the girl. She was wearing a white extremely frilly dress with pink and red accents. She had enormous brown eyes and shiny brown hair, which had been tied up in two buns and accessorized in a way that made them look like cupcakes. Looking at her information, she saw that the girl stood at only 4'7", despite being 17 years old. "...Another person like that existed?" she mumbled quietly to herself.

Hansuke read off the page: "'As a child, she was generally weak and often got sick. As the daughter of the owner and founder of a major bakery chain, she was constantly fed sweets and surrounded by all things cute and frilly by her father to cheer her up. These are now her favorite things in the world, and she styles her hair like cupcakes to remind her of that. Due to her mother's worries about her weak disposition and the damage done by being raised on a diet of almost nothing but sugar, she was forced to enroll in the gymnastics club, and has now built up her strength to the point where she is commonly seen entering buildings through second story windows. The Sweet Loli type, Akiyama 'cupcake' Ichigo!'"

_Downstairs_

"Are you Mitsukuni Haninozuka?" Ichigo asked, doing her best to look official (despite the fact that only her eyes were visible over the top of the table where Hunny was sitting). She was wearing a gray coverall, but it didn't interfere with the cuteness of her cupcake hairstyle.

"Ah, yes, call me Hunny!"

She looked at him for a second with her gigantic eyes, and then broke into a broad grin. "Ok, Hunny then!" she said, then suddenly seemed to remember that she was being official. "These were ordered for you," she said, and motioned to a powerfully built woman with long dark hair behind her, who immediately began piling cakes on the table. She lifted the lid off of the largest box, revealing a many-layered cake with vanilla frosting and sugar roses. At this, Ichigo topped moving. She stared at the cake with watery eyes twice as large as normal. "It... it looks good, Sakaki..."

_Upstairs_

Hansuke flipped to the end of the section marked 'Mori,' and began to read: "'Coming from a family known for producing star athletes, she has been involved in physical activity since a young age. Though often seen as tough or cool because of her appearance and quiet nature, she has a very strong maternal instinct which is seldom noticed. She met Ichigo in their early days taking gymnastics together. Back then, she often came to Ichigo's rescue when she was being bullied for her weak nature, and the two have been close ever since. The Devoted/Guardian type, Shinohara Sakaki!'"

_Downstairs_

"...we could stay if you want," the woman piling up cake boxes said quietly.

"Ah, really?" Ichigo replied enthusiastically, turning the whole world pink and sparkly. "You're the best, Sakaki!"

A young woman stepped forward. She wore a professionally tailored suit, and had jet black hair which was tied back and fell over one shoulder, with sharply cut bangs on the other side of her face. She carried a metallic clipboard and a slim pen."Akiyama-san. I understand wanting to meet your family's customers, though honestly why you wanted to dress up as a delivery girl is beyond me, but we can not delay any further. We're already 15 minutes late in tonight's deliveries, if we get any further behind we'll be getting complaints for at least a month. Staying here for any length of time is out of the question."

_Upstairs_

Hansuke had flipped to the back of Kyouya's section: "'Daughter of a former stock broker and the owner of many large companies, she was raised only with the intention of someday becoming her father's heiress. Due to this, she never learned to interact with people normally, and despite having a sweet personality on the inside she is uncomfortable expressing her feelings and often seen as cold and businesslike. The Ice Queen type, Etsuyo Azami!'"

He turned the page to a divider between sections, which had also been written on, and began to read again: "'Ichigo, Sakaki, and Azami will enter together. They will do so under the pretense that Ichigo, bored, wanted to meet her customers by having herself and Sakaki dress up as delivery girls for Ichigo's family's bakery chain, who is catering. Azami's father owns the company that delivers for the bakery, and she is following them tonight to do service inspections. Ichigo will begin the interaction by looking heartbroken that she can not stay and eat the cake that they are delivering. Sakaki will suggest that they stay. Azami will say that they should leave, citing business-related reasons. Ichigo will point out that she and Sakaki aren't really necessary to the delivery, and say that Azami can leave without them if she really wants to. Then, the next move is up to Kyouya.'"

"What? You mean Kyouya's the first one to be snagged? No way!" Haruhi broke in, amazed. "This plan is all out of order."

"Well, let's see," Hansuke said, picking up a remote and turning on the first of six monitors. It buzzed and showed nothing but static for a second, then switched to a crystal clear image of Kyouya.

"Eh? How are you getting that shot?!" Haruhi asked.

"...Dunno, ask the rich bastards that put this thing together."

_Downstairs_

"Mmm... you don't really need us to deliver that stuff, right?" Ichigo asked, looking a little guilty.

Azami looked mildly surprised. "...Yes, I suppose that is the case."

"...Well, if you're really worried about it, you can go without us, right?"

"...Yes." Azami looked down at her clipboard. "...Well then, I'll need you to sign these release forms. I'll notify your parents as to your whereabouts."

"Kay~..." Ichigo said, taking the clipboard and signing it. "It was nice to meet you, Aza-chan... sorry we didn't get to hang out together more..." she put her hands behind her back and twisted her foot across the floor.

"That's not something I'm concerned with," Azami said, looking away rather quickly. "Anyway then... I suppose I'll be going..." but she seemed reluctant to leave.

"You know, they don't really need _you_ to make those deliveries either," said a suave voice behind her. She turned her head just enough to catch him in her peripheral vision, a move that had been known to freeze lesser men in impenetrable blocks of ice for days. But this was no lesser man. "Isn't that right, Etsuyo-san?" finished Kyouya, who could spot a corporate heiress a mile away. "You could always stay."

_Upstairs_

"W-whoa, he actually did it!" Haruhi said, shocked.

Hansuke began to read from the binder again: "'Kyouya will recognize her as the heiress of the Etsuyo family, and sympathize with her. Shifting out of his host persona, he will attempt to 'rescue' her from her oppressive family position. In order to do this, he will have to open up more, thereby making way for a genuine romantic relationship.'"

_Downstairs_

Azami shifted her gaze away from Kyouya, up to the banner that read _Thank You Host Club!_ "...That is no way for an heiress to behave." she narrowed her eyes at the banner. "A host club? Father would have my head if he knew I even considered actually attending an event like this," she said quietly to herself.

Kyouya decided to try something that he barely ever remembered doing in his life: being completely honest. He slid his glasses down his nose and looked at her over the frames. "Well then," he said, approaching her, "all the more reason to stay." She turned to him fully, plainly shocked.

"Yay, yay, we're all staying!" Ichigo said, pink flowers floating around her head. She somehow managed to make her coverall catapult off of her, revealing the frilly white, pink, and red dress underneath that made her look more like one of the cakes that she had just delivered. Far behind her, Sakaki caught the coverall and folded it.

_Upstairs_

Below the six main screens, there was a smaller screen that was much wider across than it was tall. Hansuke turned it on, revealing that it showed a tiny graphic of each host's head. He pushed a button, and a tiny arrow with a heart for a tip slid into the Kyouya-head.

"Wow, you guys went to a lot of effort here," Haruhi said, with a 'rich bastards' expression.

"You should see the graphic for when they actually get kissed." Hansuke turned back to the binder. "'Next,'" he read, "'Ichigo will move in on Hunny-sempai. She will openly display their shared interests as much as possible, so that Hunny associates her with the things he likes. She will then play up her cuteness factor, which has appealed to Hunny in all forms for quite some time. Sakaki will stay close to Mori for the entire night, and at some point look just embarrassed enough that the idea of a romantic relationship is introduced without the level of fanaticism that is involved with his fangirls.'" Hansuke picked up his remote again and turned on the next two monitors, showing Hunny and Mori.

_Downstairs_

"Mmm... but... I can't just eat someone else's cake," Ichigo said, looking down again, touching her pinky fingers together.

"Would you like to share? There's a lot of cake, so it's ok!" Hunny said, pink flowers floating around his head.

"Yay!" Ichigo exclaimed, and within a second she was in a chair sliding up to the table beside Usa-chan (as Hunny had given his bunny their own seat). She let out a delighted laugh and speared a piece of cake with her fork, Hunny's pink flowers doubling as she added her own.

"...The flowers got bigger," Mori stated.

"...Yeah, they did," Sakaki agreed. "Ah... Ichigo, should I finish unloading?"

"Ah, sure!" Ichigo replied, and Sakaki walked off, to return with a cake box, set it down, and repeat the cycle, making a neat little stack of white boxes. "Hmm?" Ichigo said, vision suddenly zooming in on Usa-chan. "...A bunny!"

"Oh, this is Usa-chan! He was a present from my grandmother," Hunny explained.

"Ah, but..." Ichigo said, with an expression that was troubled, but not enough to make her flowers fall. "...doesn't Usa-chan want to eat cake too?" Hunny looked at her, amazed that this had not occurred to him before. "Well, it's fine," Ichigo said, smile returning to her face, "I'll just share some of mine with him!" The world turned bright and pink and sparkly around her as she took a forkful of cake and held it up to the bunny's mouth, saying "Usa-chan, would you like some cake?"

But as this happened, Hunny's world turned dark, lightning striking behind him. The shadows on his face were as though he were lit from beneath, the shine gone from his eyes. _She... she's cute!_

For a few moments, Mori watched Sakaki pile up the boxes, and then resolved that he might as well help. Whenever she set down a box, he took it and unpacked it, and before long they had a nice little assembly-line-style system. Then, for just a second, their hands brushed. For an instant, Sakaki looked away, blushing, and then resumed her work, if not a little more clumsily. Mori pondered this for a moment, then blushed himself, and resumed his work taking special care not to brush her again.

_Upstairs_

Two heart-tipped arrows slid into place, one each for Hunny and Mori. "Wow, they're really on a roll! Although, come to think of it, Mori's kiss seems like it'd take the longest. He doesn't seem like the type to rush into a relationship. Like, five dates at least," Haruhi pondered.

"...I guess you're right. I don't know how they're planning to pull this off. Still, if anyone can do it, it's the two coming up."

"Two? Oh no."

Hansuke flipped on the monitors for Hikaru and Kaoru, and turned to the back of their section: "'Though their parents were French, they were born and orphaned in Japan, and spent their first few years in an orphanage here. During that time they grew extremely close. When they were adopted by the CEO of a large electronics company, they immediately learned to indulge in their newfound wealth and are often seen in particularly extravagant and ornate clothing. They are known for their ability to feign innocence and their instability when bored. The Gothlili type, Merle Jean and Marie Jean Sorano!'"

"Wow, they actually found twins for them..." Haruhi mused, once again amazed at the amount of effort that had gone into this.

"Are you kidding? Those two have twin maids. They're not falling for anyone without the same DNA as another person," Hansuke replied, with a similar 'can you believe these guys' expression. "And it gets worse. A lot worse. You'll never be able to guess how they're planning to introduce themselves."

_Downstairs_

"I-I guess... it just seemed perfect." At the nearby sound of a girl speaking in such a tearful voice, Hikaru and Kaoru looked up, only to see a pair of twin girls a few meters from their entourage. They had blond hair that dropped to their waist with thick bangs. Other than the fact that one girl's dress and gloves were black with white accents and the other's were white with black accents, they wore the same incredibly frilly outfit. "I, I don't know," the girl went on. "For a second there, it seemed like they would really be able to relate to us. But I guess... it's no use. The Hitachiin brothers will never notice us!"

"Marie, now that I hear you talk like this, I don't even want them to." Her twin sister said, hugging her and lifting her face up by the chin. "You're right, that they might be able to understand our relationship was just a childish fantasy. But now... for making my sister so upset, I can never forgive them!" The Hitachiin brothers looked at each-other and shrugged. They would have gone back to what they were doing, if she had not then said "Besides... when it comes to that 'brotherly love'... they're obviously faking!"

"Hey, who's faking?!" The pair of Hitachiins said simultaneously, sliding in front of the two girls.

The Soranos perked up and took identical stances, hands on their hips, feet at shoulder width apart. "There's no way that anyone could have a relationship better than ours!" They said together. "So-" they each took their outer hand off of their hip and pointed at the host in front of the opposite twin, their arms criss-crossing over each-other "-we're saying you're faking!"

The Hitachiins took a moment to picture the scene from every conceivable angle, and when they got to picturing it from above a pair of arrows helped accentuate the _X_ formed by the other twins' arms. "Excuse us for a second," they said, before bolting to a nearby corner to plot.

"They did it diagonally!" Kaoru began, obviously overwhelmed.

"We haven't mastered that yet!" Hikaru added. He took a deep breath. "Alright, alright, calm down. This is obviously... a challenge!"

_Upstairs_

"Here, look at this," Hansuke said, taking the page behind the Sorano twins' profile out of the binder and handing it to Haruhi.

"A... A TWINCEST-OFF?!"

"Eh-yup." He took the paper back from a mortified Haruhi and began to read: "'The Sorano twins will enter by claiming that no one, including the Hitachiin twins, could possibly have a relationship as good as theirs. They will then challenge the boys to a twincest-off, in which the pair of twins who can most creatively preform increasingly intimate acts wins. When the contest is over one of them will casually mention that such things can only be done with one's twin, which the other will take as a challenge, causing them to split up and repeat the contest with the teams now consisting of one Hitachiin and one Sorano.'"

"...as disturbing as that is, it's actually a good strategy."

"I told you these girls were good."

_Downstairs_

"...But Hikaru... is it really possible that they have a more loving relationship than ours?" Kaoru said tearfully, just loud enough for the opposing twins and everyone between them to hear.

"Nonsense, Kaoru, never in a million years could that be true!" Hikaru said, taking his twin forcefully by the shoulders and looking into his eyes. While his expression appeared to spectators to mean '_I love you more than anything_' his brother saw the real meaning: '_Not good enough! Brotherly love 110 percent!_'

"Oh, Hikaru!" Kaoru said, flinging his arms around his twin's torso in a way that knocked them off their feet, leaving them sprawling on the floor, Hikaru's back to the wall. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you! Can you forgive me?" Kaoru wailed into his twin's chest. Hikaru placed a comforting hand on his brother's head, and looked up at the Sorano twins... with an expression that quite clearly said '_beat that_'. To his utter horror, he was met with a matching pair of faces saying '_Oh, we will._' _What horrors do they have planned for us...?_ The boys thought in unison.

"Merle, watching them imitate our love is putting a bitter taste in my mouth..." Marie began, drawing the crowd's attention back to them.

"Ah, we can't have that Marie!" Merle said with a concerned look. "Well, fortunately, I brought some snacks with us."  
"Ah, you're so thoughtful, Merle!"  
"Here," Merle said, holding out her hand. Someone who looked conspicuously like a butler handed her a stick of dango. ((If you don't know what dango is, look it up on google images.)) "you can have this."

Marie took it, but looked upset. "But Merle," she said, "I'm used to sharing all of our food... I can't just eat this by myself..."

"If it makes you feel better, Marie, then we can eat it together." Marie looked happy at this, and Merle held the stick between them. They each bit the piece closer to them and slid it off the end of the stick.

When they were finished with their respective pieces, Marie looked down, once again upset. "Oh, Merle, why does it have to be that dango has three pieces? There's no way we can each have the same number of pieces, and even with a knife we couldn't split it evenly..."

Hikaru and Kaoru were now watching shamelessly and openly. _They couldn't possibly be planning to..._ they thought, horrified.

"Don't worry, Marie," Merle said, pulling the last piece off the stick with her gloved fingers, "we can just split it the way we split things at home." She lifted the remaining piece, balancing it on one finger. Both girls leaned in, and working together bit it clean in half, not even flinching when their lips touched.

_They did it!_ The boys thought in unison. _How..._ Kaoru began the thought, _How can we beat that?!_ Hikaru finished. Suddenly something dawned on Hikaru. "Ah... I'm all wet..." He began.

"H-Hikaru... I'm sorry. In all my emotion, I've soiled your shirt with my tears," Kaoru replied, instantly catching on despite the fact that Hikaru's shirt was quite dry.

"It's fine, Kaoru. I'll just go change-"  
"No, don't leave me!"

"...I see. So I'll just have to change here," Hikaru said, beginning to unbutton his shirt.

He got it completely off, and it was hanging around his elbows, when Kaoru said, "Hikaru, this is my fault, at least let me help..." He sat up on Hikaru's lap, one leg on either side of his torso, then leaned forward and began to tug the shirt off, leaving him in an embrace with his bare-chested brother. "Although, I feel sort of bad making you do this in public..."

"What are you talking about, Kaoru?" Hikaru said, and, now free of his shirt, pulled his twin into an official hug. "It will always be your job to undress me, you should know that the time or place doesn't matter."

A silent flash passed between the female twins. _We have to top that!_ they thought. _But really,_ Marie thought, _How much better than that can you get?_ She went over what they had just done, combing it for any possible clues. Of course, shameless or not, in character they were supposed to be ladies, so actually undressing was out of the question. How had the brothers even gotten to that point, anyway? _"So I'll just have to change here,"_ Hikaru had said. Suddenly, a wicked grin spread across her face. Her sister looked at her in concern. "Merle... you got some powder from the dango on your glove," Marie said to her sister, taking her by the wrist and lifting her hand to look at it. "If you keep doing this, pretty soon your gloves will get dirty and turn black, and then they won't match your dress anymore..."

Somehow, Merle seemed to take some kind of hint. "I suppose you're right." She turned, and stuck out her left hand. "Delivery lady that we totally don't know," she started, addressing Sakaki.

This prompted Hikaru to think _Damn... her false innocence is so obvious it just makes her more mysterious... are they flawless or something?_

"Would you happen to have a particularly tiny extra coverall?" Merle finished, both her and her twin taking on a '_gimme_' stance.

Sakaki pointed to herself in a way that was intended to be questioning, and when she met with no change in position leaned over to her pint-sized friend. "Ichigo, do you still want your coverall?" She asked quietly.

"Nope, I'm done playing delivery girl," Ichigo replied, pink flowers floating around her. Then, with a sound something like "gwaaahhhhhum~!" she leaned forward and fell onto the table in a lump, in exactly the right position to take a large bite out of the nearest piece of cake (which she proceed to chew with a faint blush and eyes that clearly said '_I'm in my happy place_'). Hunny, strangely, seemed to be preoccupied fiddling with his fork and stealing glances at her every few seconds. Sakaki took Ichigo's coverall, delivered it to the twins, and then returned to her position.

"Well then," the female twins said together, unzipping the coverall, "we'll be right back!" They waved at the surrounding crowd as they spoke and stepped into the coverall, zipping it up after them.

_What could the two of them possibly be doing... inside that one tiny coverall?_ The Hitachiins (and everyone else) wondered, dumbstruck. _They're certainly moving around a lot in there... _Hikaru thought, his twin's thoughts following a similar path._ Well, they'd have to move a lot no matter what they were doing, right? That coverall is barely big enough for one of them to fit in... imagine how close they must be..._

After a solid two minutes of suspicious rustling, they finally stopped moving. An arm wrapped in a long white glove emerged from the neck of the coverall, then bent at the elbow and slowly unzipped it. The girls stepped out. For just a second, the Hitachiins were disappointed; nothing had changed, they had just been rustling around in there to mess with people. Then it slowly dawned on them... the black gloves and shoes were now paired with the white dress, and vice versa. They could have just switched gloves and shoes... but the boys knew that wasn't true.

"Th-they switched clothes..." Kaoru broke the silence first. There was just enough of a pause for a large "..." to appear in front of the Hitachiins before...

"We humbly surrender!" the boys said together, throwing themselves onto the floor in deep kneeling bows before their female counterparts. The Sorano girls looked thoroughly surprised.

"Well," Hikaru went on as the boys looked up "we won't admit you have a better relationship than us-"

"-But we just can't think of anything better than that, so..." Kaoru finished, trailing off into a blush at the end.

Merle and Marie shot each-other vaguely annoyed looks. _And we were planning to let them win, too..._ they shrugged.

"Well, it's not like we can still doubt your relationship. Besides, that was fun while it lasted," Merle said.

"Yeah... you really can't do anything like that with someone other than your twin," Marie added.

They stood in silence for a few moments, then looked at each-other with extremely determined expressions.

"So I'll take Hikaru-" said Merle, wrapping an arm around Hikaru's neck,

"And I'll take Kaoru-" said Marie, wrapping an arm around Kaoru's neck,

"And whoever gets the most intimate wins!" they finished together.

_Meanwhile, at Hunny's table_

Hunny was turned away from his female counterpart, who seemed to be using a frosting gun to draw little bunnies on the piece of cake she had designated for Usa-chan. Hunny took a deep breath, mentally going over everything he had seen during his time in the host club. He turned to Ichigo... and all of his floating pink flowers suddenly turned into red roses. "Hey," he said, gently placing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her in closer. "You've got some crumbs on your face. Here, let me brush them off for you," he said, and raised a hand to her chin.

Mori froze, in shock. The box of cake that he was holding slid slowly out of his hands (which stayed in exactly the same place) with an almighty screech, and landed with a _thud_ on the table. Sakaki looked back and forth between him and his childhood friend.

Ichigo's flowers turned to roses just as quickly. "Oh... but that seems like such a waste, for them to end up on the floor. Wouldn't it be better if you just licked them off?"

A gigantic rogue rose came flying out of nowhere and hit Sakaki on the head, knocking her clean out. This shocked Mori out of his unexpected-action-based paralysis just enough to turn his head to look at her with a sound like a rusty bolt being turned.

_Upstairs_

"Wow. That's amazing," Haruhi said as two heart-tipped arrows slid into place in Hikaru and Kaoru's heads.

"And of course, there's only one person crazy enough to pull this all off..." Hansuke said with a defeated look.

"Alright then, let's hear it," Haruhi said, genuinely somewhat curious about the final participant in the plot.

Hansuke looked at her, then smiled, and turned to the end of Tamaki's section. He read in a flat emotionless tone, but looking at the picture of the fair girl with the perfect blond locks Haruhi could just imagine her speaking in the overly passionate way that Tamaki always did: "'Though incredibly beautiful, she has been taken advantage of by lovers in the past. Because of this, she is mistrustful of her feelings, and often doesn't understand them at all. She is easily enamored but hard to win over because she is wary of relationships. Despite this, her lovely mannerisms and charming flaws present an irresistible image of a young maiden in need of help. Indeed, a wounded angel asking you for assistance in all her shining beauty, with the soft glow of the adoration of hundreds! Who can win her over- who will be her prince? The Damsel in Distress type, Reina Michiimi!'" Hansuke turned on Tamaki's monitor.

"...She wrote that herself, didn't she?"

"You know it."

"Yup, they're perfect for each-other."

_Downstairs_

She'd been standing in the same spot for almost three minutes now, waiting for the perfect moment. Tamaki had his back to her the whole time, and now, finally, he was backing up. She angled her foot just right... and his next step sent her flying into a buss boy.

"Ah-! Young lady, are you alright?"

"Hm?" Michiimi said, looking up from the ground. "Oh... she said, looking back down at her dress, which was now soaked from the drinks the buss boy had been caring.

"I'm terribly sorry about that, my princess. In case of situations like this the host club always keeps a spare female uniform on hand, please allow me to accompany you." He took her by the hand and led her upstairs as she protested faintly.

_A few minutes later_

He reentered the third music room as she was changing into the uniform shoes, her own dress folded on the table beside her and her shoes right below it. "I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you like that," Michiimi said, apparently having just gotten over the shock of being doused in ice water.

"Not at all. The host club exists to bring happiness to girls. Besides, it was the least I could do, seeing as it was my fault," Tamaki replied, moving close and taking her hand as a background of roses advanced on them. "From the bottom of my heart I am deeply, truly sorry about that."

For a second, Michiimi looked at him with the gleaming eyes he typically saw from his fans, then suddenly she turned away. "I see, host king. I'm sorry, your charms won't work on me," she said softly. "I've already given up on love."

This, of course, absolutely broke Tamaki's empathetic little heart. "My princess... that's a horrible thing to say," he said, straightening up, hair obstructing his eyes. "Even if you've been scorned in the past, you can never, ever, give up on love. It's the most important thing in life." Michiimi turned to face him, genuinely surprised at this. "Come," Tamaki continued, extending his hand toward her, now determined to succeed in his new mission. "Please, spend the ball tonight with me, and remember why you can never give up on love!" Michiimi reached out slowly, and took his hand. She had just enough time to grab her dress before he whisked her back downstairs.

_Meanwhile, with Haruhi and Hansuke_

"Well, congratulations," Haruhi said, as the last arrow slid into place. "Although, Tamaki's just like that some- most of the time. I doubt he's actually in love. And even if he is, he's too immature to realize it in time to make the kiss." A small sign popped up in front of Haruhi, unseen by either of them, that read _'she has no idea'_.

"Well, that thing just means they met successfully and executed the first stages of their plan. Note that you've already got one."

"Oh, you're right," Haruhi said, first realizing that she was among the lineup of host-heads that now all had heart-tipped arrows sticking out of them. "Ah, come to think of it, you did the spilled drinks thing too, right?"

"Yup. Apparently it's a very valuable technique for luring guys away from a party. Supposedly they're more vulnerable when you're the only girl in the area."

"...Wow. They really taught you everything they know, didn't they."

"Uh-huh," Hansuke said, looking as though those weren't exactly fond memories.

"How did that happen, I wonder?" On a quizzical look from Hansuke, Haruhi continued "Well, it's like, you really couldn't be less suited for the job. You have no interest in this, you couldn't wait to get out of it, and you're not even a girl."  
"It's worse than that, I don't even go to this school."

"Exactly. So why did they pick you out for this?"

"Ah... I wouldn't exactly call it 'picked.'"

"Oh? What then?" Haruhi asked, taking a seat on a nearby bench.

"Go on, look at my page," Hansuke said, handing her the binder.

She turned to the end of her section. There was a picture of him in his girl outfit, but the text was unreadable because apparently the entire rest pf the group had doodled on the page. Most of it was in black pen and bubble-letter-style, which consisted of hearts and the words... "Why does it say 'Slave-chan' all over it?"

"That was the twins. Everyone drew something different... Michiimi's the crown... Ighigo's the cake... Sakaki outlined my picture... Azami just tested a pen..."

"..._How_ did you get yourself into this?"

"Well..."

_Flashback_

"_It was Sunday, so I was off from school. My father had to call in sick from his job as the janitor at one of the Etsuyo corporation's facilities. He was close to losing that job, and they wouldn't tolerate any more absences from him, so I offered to go in his place. Apparently they were using that as a 'base' for their group meetings when they were off campus..."_

Hansuke sighed as he leaned back against the wall, a red flashing arrow pointing at the door directly across from him. "Wow, I never realized Dad works this hard," He muttered to himself.

"It appears that they have a new manager," came a voice floating through the door, "and a new member. The manager is Houshakuji Renge, and already the merchandise she produced has brought in record profits. The new member is Fujioka Haruhi, who is quite successful, and seems to be working off some sort of debt."

"We'll have to find someone take care of that. Maybe we can get someone for the manager too," said another voice. It might have just been his limited understanding of the financial world or the first voice's icy tone, but that last voice's point sounded slightly sinister to Hansuke. Before he had a chance to dispel this thought, the door opened, revealing Sakaki.

"How much did you hear?" Asked Azami, casually looking down at her clipboard.

"U-um... not much..." Hansuke said, taken aback by Sakaki's threatening silhouette and Azami's icy atmosphere. "Just something about a manager of something... and a new member... and getting someone to... take care of them..." at this point Sakaki grabbed him by the front collar and hurled him into the room. The Soranos locked the door. Hansuke lifted his head from where he had landed on the floor and looked around apprehensively. A sign appeared in front of him that read _'Thinks he stumbled into the mafia'_.

"Well?" asked Azami from her table near the door, her hair obstructing her eyes. "What should we do with him? He knows enough to arouse suspicion. We can't just let him leave."

"Maybe we should beat him up!" Ichigo suggested cheerfully.

Hansuke made a slight "Ah-!" sound, but was ignored.

"We should distract him!" Merle said, and began unbuttoning Marie's blouse.

"N-no, I don't need any distracting," Hansuke mumbled into the floor. The sign returned, now reading _'What kind of mafia is this?!'_

"No," said a voice much closer to him, which he recognized as the second voice that he had heard. He raised his head and looked up. Sitting before him was Michiimi. The perspective made her appear as a giant queen sitting on a throne in the sky. She crossed her legs. Her hair left her face in shadow, all that was visible of it being an ear-to-ear sharp-toothed grin and two menacing sparkles where her eyes might be. "We can use him," she said. "Azumi, tell him his options."

Azumi, who had by this time guessed what her friend's questionable sanity had cooked up, began to speak. "You will be in charge of charming and stealing a kiss on the lips from Houshakuji Renge. I understand that you've just met us, and may feel uncomfortable with this assignment, so you can always decline."

The sign now read _'So, not the mafia.'_ "Well, in that case, I'll have to-"

"Of course, your father's job is on very thin ice, isn't it? If we have no relationship with him, then really there's no reason to keep him. On the other hand, if our families became friends, I could hypothetically be able to pull some strings and offer him the job that just opened up in the marketing department."

The sign flipped over, now reading _'On the other hand...' _"Well then... I suppose I accept..." A large arrow with the word _'martyr'_ written on it popped up and pointed itself at his head.

"_Even though I was originally supposed to charm Renge, after a few days..."_

Hansuke burst through the door of the second music room (where the 'hostess club' had set up their base in school so as to spy on the hosts) and slammed it after him, flinging himself in front of it and panting heavily.

"How's the Spy on Renge Game going, slave-chan?" The twins asked cheerily.

Hansuke took a second to transform her mortified look into a still somewhat ruffled glare. "When she gets angry she turns into Medusa," he said flatly.

"Ouch," Marie said.

"Fire breath is very bad for kissing," Merle added.

Hansuke sunk down to the floor, seemingly having decided that he was safe from Renge. "Look... I can't do this. But my father has nothing to do with this, please just leave him out of it."

"Sorry, I can't do that," said Michiimi.

"Harsh, Ma Reine!" the twins said, using their pet name for the club's founder.

"However... there is one way you can get out of this and stay in our good graces," She continued, with a sparkle in her eye. "We still need someone to charm Fujioka Haruhi."

"Right, ok," Hansuke said, getting up, "so I'll just find a girl to do that for you, and we'll be all settled," he said more cheerfully.

"You should know by now that it's never that easy, Han-chan," Ichigo said in an uncharacteristically dark tone.

A pair of hands landed on his shoulders. "I think that one's more your color, no?" Merle said, she and her wickedly grinning sister looming above him, each of them holding a frilly dress.

"...No, I guess it wouldn't be that easy, would it?" he said with a defeated but not altogether happy expression.

_End flashback_

"...come to think of it, that's a little like how I joined the host club."

"R-really? It's not exactly comforting to hear that these situations happen even more often than I thought..."

Haruhi looked at him for a second, then laughed. "I guess you're right. Still, wow. They really put a lot of effort into this."

"Hah, it's amazing they still had that much time to goof off. But they really did work hard." He looked down out the booth window at the party below. "Still. Somehow, selfishly... I sort of want them to fail."  
"Well, it's understandable after all that."

For a second he looked at her, surprised, then his gaze softened and he returned to looking down at the party. "Yeah, I guess. But it's not that. It's just... if they succeed, then it'll be over."

Haruhi looked at him, and suddenly understood. "You know, recently..." she began.

_Meanwhile, with the twins_

Well, the sign said _'Meanwhile, with the twins'_ but all there was to see over there was a bunch of mosaic tiles ((commonly used in manga for censoring)) spelling out the words _'unspeakable horror'_.

_Meanwhile, with Kyouya and Azami_

Kyouya had somehow convinced Azami to sit with him and his fangirls at the booth that had been set up for him. He had been looking around for a while now, and Tamaki's reappearance had confirmed what he had suspected. He leaned back and put his arm around Azami's shoulders, pulling her slightly closer. She looked completely uninterested, despite the fact that if she were anyone else she probably would've blushed until she turned to steam. "So," Kyouya said, "It seems everyone's properly matched up." Azami said nothing. He leaned closer and whispered in her ear, barely audibly over the hiss of jealous fangirls. "What is it exactly that you girls are after?"

Without moving a centimeter, Azami asked "So you knew?"

"Not the whole time," was Kyouya's reply. He wasn't quite sure why he had been honest, he had fully been intending to lie.

"...Well then," she said, turning to him, "I suppose there is something you can do for me."

_Meanwhile, with Tamaki and Michiimi_

True to his word, Tamaki had stuck with her all night. He was quite sure that if a night of dancing and romance from the king of hosts wasn't enough to make her believe in love again, nothing would be. He was currently leading her in a dance to a slower song. "Are you enjoying yourself, my princess?" he asked.

She looked up at him with huge, sparkling eyes. "Tamaki, I-" But she was interrupted. The clock had just struck twelve, and was beginning its long chime. "Oh, no!"

"What's wrong? Are you Cinderella?"

She smiled. "Sort of. I only had until midnight to make my prince fall in love with me." She looked back at him, suddenly intent. "Kiss me!"

"What?" Of course Tamaki got asked this all the time and was quite capable of getting around it, but usually the one that asked looked at him with gentile longing, not like they were about to lose a bet.

"Kiss me! Or- like, at least look like we're kissing or something!"  
"Wh-"

"_**And now, a special announcement from the organizers of this event!"**_ Hansuke announced over the loudspeaker. Spotlights came down on the six girls, and they made their way up to the stage (Michiimi's original fantasy had involved them floating up to the stage on clouds, but as Azami politely explained, that was outside the limits of their budget).

Michiimi hid her disappointment incredibly, and addressed the audience. "Let's hear it for the host club!" The ladies watching erupted into applause. "Yes, the magic, the promise of romance... the illusion... this is what we love the host club for. Indeed, those thing are what they're best at. Illusions and promises... together... are just lies." At this the audience let out some confused murmurings. "That promised romance... how many of you have seen it first hand? That's right. They may flirt, and show off, and flatter us with kind words... but when it comes down to it, we're just customers. They don't even remember our names. How close have they come to kissing you on the lips, and not gone through with it? They're just teasing. That's why, tonight, we put together this special event: for the hostess club to get its revenge! And we got it, in the form of one genuine kiss from each host! Han! Hit that big red button!"

_Upstairs_

Hansuke complied, and pushed a gigantic red button in the center of the main control panel. The screen behind the stage booted up, displaying five images, one each of Merle, Marie, Ichigo, Sakaki, and Azami kissing their designated host.

"Ah- when did that happen?" asked Haruhi.

"I guess... when we weren't looking?" Hansuke offered with a shrug.

_Downstairs_

"Although, Ma Reine, your spot seems to be empty," the twins said, sliding into place with a sly smile and a 'what gives?' gesture.

"Sh-shut up! I just ran out of time is all!"

"Ah, so you're the only one that failed..."

"I... but..." There was a _ding_ and Michiimi found herself a nice little air-wall to lean against to wallow in her depression.

"...Michi-chan, don't feel bad, we actually all-!" Ichigo began, but could not finish because her mouth was covered by the twins.

_Upstairs_

"...Ah..." Hansuke said with a surprised tone, looking at his controls.

"What? Something go wrong?" Haruhi asked.

"...No, it's just that I don't believe they planned anything to say after that little speech."

"S-seriously?" Haruhi said with a disbelieving but not altogether surprised tone.

"Well, better bring them up," Hansuke pulled a leaver, and downstairs the top panel of the stage was released with a hiss of steam. The cables around the edges of the stage tightened, and the stage began to rise.

"Ah, that's right!" Michiimi recovered in time to leap to the front of the stage. "So, ladies, heed our warning! Beware the charms of the host club!" She probably continued to rant, but the only people that could hear her were Sakaki, Ichigo, and Azami, as everyone else was too far away and Sakaki had knocked the twins unconscious.

_The following evening, the third music room_

"...this is taking longer than usual, isn't it?" Haruhi muttered, in reference to the fact that the host king had _still_ not come out of his corner of depression (fondly referred to as the emo corner). Or rather, he had sat there for a few minutes after the ball, went home, and returned to the same spot again the next day.

"B-because!" Tamaki cried, "We were completely and utterly bested! We've never been so throughly beaten! Nay, other people have organized against the host club, but never has someone actually gotten this far!" He continued to ramble, but the rest of the host club moved on in their conversation paying him no mind.

"Still," Haruhi said, "I don't think that was really their goal."  
"Oh? What then?" asked Kyouya.

"Mmm... I don't think they really had one. I think they were just enjoying fooling around. That Hansuke..." Haruhi said, remembering how sad he had looked for a moment "he really didn't care about the whole kiss thing. He was actually pretty relieved that he didn't have to do it. But... when he talked about the whole thing being over, he seemed so sad." By now, even Tamaki had stopped blubbering and was listening to her. "I feel kinda bad for them, you know? Even if they were out to trick us. Their whole club is over."

Tamaki stood up. He walked over to a closet, opened it, pulled out a small shopping bag, then turned to leave. "M'lord, where are you going?" Asked the twins together.

He paused at the door, and turned to them. "The host club exists to help girls, right?" he said, then left. The rest of the host club was left to turn and look at each-other.

_The second music room_

"With that whole show we put on, especially the twins, people are actually requesting to come and visit us as if we were an actual hostess club," Azami said, looking down at her chart and pushing Kyouya's glasses (which she had apparently somehow stolen the night before) up her nose. "So far we've gotten 116 requests."

"Oh, do people actually like us that much?" Michiimi asked delightedly, her hands on her cheeks, her eyes two thick black scribbles, ovals of blush levitating just above her hands, sparkles floating around her. "I see, with our charming demeanor they can't help but fall in love!"

"Really, Ma Reine," Marie began, sliding into place behind the queen, "Think before you go naming things. If people think we're really a hostess club they'll be wanting to see us do that stuff all the time. We can't pull that off every day."

The queen spun around, and with mo change in her expression, said "Well, I didn't know what the word hostess meant at the time. Besides!" She took a determined pose. "Why can't we do something like that all the time?! Using our charm and good looks to entertain young men with time on their hands, isn't that the ultimate application of our ladylike skills?" The queen returned to her original pose with her hand on her chin, surrounded by an even larger volume of sparkles, looking quite pleased with herself.

Merle slid into place beside her twin. "Isn't that exactly what you hate the host club for, you hypocrite?" She asked, and an arrow with the word hypocrite on it pierced the queen through the chest, sending her back to create her own little emo corner on the end of a piano bench (this was a music room, after all).

"By the way," Marie began, "Azami-sempai-"

"Fine, no one bother about my depression, see if I care!" The queen yelled feebly.

"...Azami-sempai, why are you still wearing Kyouya's glasses?" Marie finished.

Azami pushed the classes up her nose so that they sparkled as menacingly as possible (a skill she must've been born with, as even Kyouya wouldn't have had enough time to teach her). "It's a trophy."

There was an icy wind, and the twins were trapped in a glacier. "Y-you know, being evil isn't just your character," Merle stuttered.

There was a knock at the door, and without waiting for a response, Tamaki entered. He came in and stopped in front of Michiiki. "You left these these," he said, reaching into the bag and pulling out her shoes. He knelt, took off the shoes that she was wearing, and replaced them. "Well then," he said, standing, "I suppose that's about it." He dusted off his hands. "Oh, I believe you failed to retrieve something else." He placed a hand on her shoulder, then leaned in and kissed her.

For a second, there was a stunned silence. "...Why?" she finally asked. "So I wouldn't be the one that failed?"  
"I'm sorry, you're right. We don't have romantic feelings for our princesses. But we do have genuine affection. I just thought I'd show you that I really do care, if it meant that much to you that you were the only one that didn't get kissed."

"Actually," Azami said, taking off Kyouya's glasses and nodding at the rest of the club.

"About the kisses," Merle said, "you weren't the only one."

"We all photoshopped our kisses," Marie explained.

"That's what I was trying to say before," Ichigo said guiltily, and was patted on the head by Sakaki.

"Ah?!" the king and queen said together, making identical faces.

"W-wait a second! Then why didn't you do one for me?" Hansuke asked from his table at the back of the room, where he had been sitting still in his uniform from his own high school, oddly silent.

"Because, that would've caused problems! If we had her as a boy kissing you as a girl the host club would've known we faked it, but if we had her as a girl kissing you as a boy the whole school would know she's a girl," the twins explained.

"...Wait, you knew she was a girl?" Han asked, suddenly lost.

"Of course!"Merle answered.

"We wouldn't randomly recruit a crossdressing guy into a club about charming guys unless there was a crossdressing girl on the other side!" Marie elaborated. Michiimi giggled.

"...Come to think of it, that makes perfect sense. Wait a second, then, how'd you get Kyouya's glasses, Azami-sempai?"

"I explained the situation and asked for them. These were a spare pair."

But they stopped talking. Michiimi was laughing. This was somewhat upsetting to the rest of the club, who had been expecting her to start screaming or retreat back to her emo corner.

"...what's so funny?" Azami finally asked.

Michiimi took a second to stop laughing. "Nothing, it's just..." She stood up, brushed past Tamaki, and started for the door. "You're all so crazy." As she crossed the room, it slowly dawned on each hostess what the words meant. She reached the door, turned the door knob, and looked back over her shoulder. "I'll really miss that about you guys." She opened the door... but waiting for her on the other side was the entire rest of the host club, blocking her exit.

_Flashback_

"It's just... if they succeed, then it'll be over."

Haruhi looked at him, and suddenly understood. "You know, recently Tamaki was almost forced to get engaged and dissolve the host club."  
Hansuke looked at her, and his eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah. We all fought really hard to get him back. Hikaru broke his arm. I almost died."

After a second, Hansuke's expression softened. "...but you got him."

"Yeah!" Haruhi looked up happily. "We got him!"

_End flashback_

The queen felt something on her right hand, and turned to look. Hansuke had run across the music room, and caught her with his own right hand. He pulled her around to face him, their arms held away from their bodies. Taking inspiration from their pose, he reached out with his left hand and took her by the waist, pulling her into a dancing position. Seeing immediately what had to be done, Tamaki advanced a step and began to play one of his favorite songs on the piano, a slow song that hadn't been intended for danging but probably fit what he was trying to say. Hansuke took a step sideways and spun her away from the door. "Just, listen for a minute before you go deciding things are over," he said.

"None of us really cared about the whole mission," Azami began, standing up. "I don't believe even you truly cared whether or not you succeeded."

"Stealing kisses... that was just our little fairytale, right? We had to use that to give ourselves a reason for all this."

"...Marie..."

"But that wasn't what was really important to us," Hansuke continued. "What we really wanted was just to make sure that this would keep going."

"Because," Ichigo said, "losing friends... isn't that the worst thing of all?" Sakaki nodded.

"Those characters you made for us..." Hansuke said "...selfish people who need to learn to make friends," Michiimi looked at the twins and Azami as they passed her field of vision, "nice people who just want to have fun with everyone," they swirled passed Ichigo and Sakaki "stupid perople who need to be forced to realize they're enjoying themselves," he tightened his grip on her hand "...those are exactly the type of people we are. And we were all here, even you, not because of some stupid mission we had, but because, really, we all wanted to be here."

Michiimi looked around at everyone, and closed her eyes with a smile. "Then," she said in a voice unsteady with happiness and tears, "we'll just turn this into a hostess club after all. And we can all stay here... and continue to enjoy ourselves."

The hosts began to move into the room. Kouru took Marie by the arm, and Hikaru did the same after unlacing Merle from her sister's other arm. Kyouya put his right foot forward and bent head, offering her his right hand. Mori bowed to Sakaki, as Hunny tackled Ichigo and the pair spun around the room.

_Ouran Private Academy is defined by..._

_one, prestigious families, and two, wealth._

_And prosperous people have much time on their hands._

_Therefore, this Ouran Hostess Club is about..._

_...these lovely ladies that have time..._

_...giving hospitality to these handsome guys that also have time..._

_...and profit off them._

_It's an elegant game unique to this super-rich school._

"By the way, Hansuke," Azami said offhandedly, "If you'd like, we can have you transferred to this school and pay for your tuition out of your earnings from the club. Of course, that means that you'll have to work for the club your entire time at this school." She shot him a glance, and was secretly glad to see him smile and nod.

_It may just be a game,_

_but when it comes down to it we all enjoy it._

_So when you feel like it,_

_please come over to the second music room whenever you want._

_All of us at the hostess club..._

Tamaki lifted a hand off the piano, continuing to play, and offered it to Haruhi.

_...from the bottom of our hearts..._

She slowly reached up and took it, and even though he stopped playing to join the rest of the dancing couples, they could still all hear music...

_...will be waiting for your arrival!_


End file.
